The pc died on me again today. I'm annoyed. Have no choice but to make do with Jeshua Seth now - For the uninformed, that my ibook's name.

Jesh is starting to annoy me too, very laggy. Cant really blame him though. My poor ibook's more than 3 years old now. Heh. Anyway, i called up the econs tuition group. She seems nice but the Bishan route is a pain to do. Oh well. Still considering. Might join after mid-terms if i really cant cope. Heh.



It's a sardonic evening.

I think i'm really hopeless at chem.

I need to:

Pcopy math notes to read
Revise for chem
Flourish whatever limited vocab i might still have leftbefore they become passive
Improve linguistic capabilities by i-dont-know-how
Apply this newly remembered word into my life: God-willing.



Sometimes i feel so annoyed at myself for my inability to stick to routine. For the times i rather just waste away, worrying about the has-beens instead of running towards the to-bes. Then i hear my idiots telling me that it's never too late and reassuring me of my capabilities and God's grace in my life, only then can i manage to pick myself up.

damai softball

Saw a guy in the sec sch house tee today as i was walking home. Reminded me of the 'B' division softball finals in sec 1.

Admittedly they forced us down to watch the match - we were defending the 'B' division championship title against RI that day. We brought down 2 set of flags to the playing field at kallang - Winners and Strivers. Strange words to have on a flag dont you think ? The boys have decided before the match that if they won, they'll run with the former around the field and if they lost, the latter. For they've strived and came far; perhaps not enough, yet even so, they'll still work on. For they're strivers that aim to be winners one day.

I think that day was one of the days we really felt very much a part of the school and really screamed our lungs out for the school. Not for the class, not for the house, not for the teachers, not for the friends. For the school.

We defended our title. And held it for another year - 1st runner up during my sec 3 year - before suffering an utter defeat at the very same school that we faced every year. It's quite ironic isnt it ? Watching how we thrashed them in the beginning of my school years there and watching how we were in their place at the end of my school years there. The 'B' boys only managed a 2nd for zonal; nowhere near where the seniors left them.

Nevertheless, it felt awesome to be down at the softball matches with them. The team that is not proud of their successes, not vindicative of their losses but instead focused on the solo motive of improving.

With that, we did managed to at least get back the zonal crowns for the 'B' and 'C' boys. But well, it's another year now, so work hard, team.

Every now and again, I'll look at myself in the mirror and find things I don't like about myself. But then God gently reminds me he really loves me for who I am.

lunch with the monster

Tried out Aston, the new western food outlet at katong area. They were actually a stall at the coffee shop nearby but moved to a shophouse not too long ago. The food there was pretty alright. Tried their grill fish with herbs, too little sauce for my liking, but otherwise, a good AND economical haunt for western food. Shall try their red meat some other time. Went to katong mall to pick up chocolate ice cream, (mmm missed awfully chocolate) then we had coffee at coffee masters cafe. Very very filling lunch today. Yes. And good company.

Anyway, thanks for the lunch and coffee Andrewww. (:

As the Monster decides he wanted to go to Changi Village - for some 'not-so-glam' activity which i shant mantion here - we asked for directions to the nearest bus stop with 2. The cafe's owner directed us to Malay Village. As it was along the way, we walked down Joo Chait Road to visit CheeKian at Katong CC - which i thought was at Joo Chait Road. It wasnt.

Nevertheless, we proceeded to walk all the way till the end of the road. There, we found ourselves stranded at Dunman Road - an area i dont have much contact with. We saw a bus stop some 200m to our left, and decided to go there too see if there's 2. Alas, there wasnt. Single, Avaliable, Lonely And Desperate, Andrew abandoned his 'scout's pride' and asked for directions. We were directed to continue our trek leftwards, which we did.

After another 10 minutes or so, we approached TKSS. Facing a lack of further directions, i decided to risk getting taunted and took out the phone to rang The Neighbour. The Neighbour gave directions in a rather 'you are really hopeless/as usual you got lost' manner which well, as usual i didnt get. I dumped him to Andrew which figured out the funny words and we managed to well, walk to the Malay Village.



The entire walk took almost an hour. You wanna know the worst thing ? We remembered that if we walked back to my area, we could've walked less while the 2 have would be nearer to Changi Village. Oh well.

But i guess the best thing that happened all day - besides the food of course - was well, getting lost. Found some interesting places along the way such as Joo Chiat Neighbourhood Police Post, Dunman Food Centre, Geylang Serai CC and well, burned calories ! Hahahaha. Not exactly a wasted hour after all. (:

On a side note, latest manga i'm after, D.Gray-Man. (:

Just some points

Lunch with The Monster tomorrow. Yayness.

I think i have loads to catch up in terms of studies.

I gained 1.5kg this hols. Hur.

I think maybe i should start running again.

I feel like such a slacker sometimes.

Okay. Off to do my holiday homework.

sunday. (:

Cell today was pretty raw. Which is good in a way. But it's like, the heaviest deal i took after such a refreshing week, was good that everyone was frank and willing to share nonetheless.

Hope all the girls can cope well, i need to work hard too. Shall try to manage my time more proper. Aye. And yup, again, God reminded me of Phil 4:6-7 again today.

Oh and was supposed to tag Leah to Church of Singapore today, for service but my dear girl woke late, so i texted GuangHao and sat with him for instead. Was interesting, small, cosy i guess. I think i still kinda miss the methodist services though.

And no, didnt watch the movie today. Didnt feel comfortable watching with Jeshua alone, nothing much to say to him about really. Oh well. Next week when siva's free perhaps. I miss siva ! Such chubbiness. Anyway, i heard Jeshua's injured, so do pray for his healing ya. Also, i'm sure that the whole tekong experience must have been tough, so pray for God to fill him up with not just physical but also spiritual healing. That he would be equipped with the strength that well, would not be so dead the next time he books in.

Regardless, it's been a good day and to end off this wonderous day, we shall recall what God said to us in Zech 4:7 that no matter what God leads us to do, we can trust Him to finish the work in the most excellent of ways for God always fufill His promises and God never fails to give us the best.

Ps. There was a wedding at this resturant at the Expo. The names of the new couple ? Jeffery and Joey. (:

I think i hear the neighbour screaming 'i'm not gay' from down the road. Haha. Love you Joey. =)

Hello bananas. I swear i'm not emo but just somewhat inclined to listen to my more emo`ish songs lately.

Oh but i'm pretty annoyed with my pc now. I mean, come on, it crashed on me when i was doodling ! Argh. My layers and layers of colours. Gosh and it had robes and smoke and wings. AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Dumb pc. Rawr.

Didnt manage to get anything done today since no one seems to be able to solve my Double Titration issue. I was desperate enough to ask the tjc guy sitting at the next table, but alas, he didnt know. Oh well.

On a side note, Duncan - self-proclaimed (and pretty obvious) Starbucks Number 1 turned around from where he was seated and spoke to me today. Was strange enough he spoke to me but to make it even more strange he started the conversation with: "You're Starbucks Number 2". Like seriously, dude, what are you talking about ?' But yea. In the end we crowned Andrew and Friend (since i never caught that guy's name) Number 2 while i guess, i'm like Number 3 ? I wonder if it's really a good thing. Haha.

Last 2 days before school starts. Wanted to go to church today but well, i got lazy. Also found out today that The Pyro got posted to Navy. Talk about irony. Say goodbye to the flamethrowers my friend, better still, give them to me ! Hahahaha !


Sometimes you wonder why you do what you do, why you give in to people who put your interests last. Then you tell yourself, perhaps you're just so. Now, once more, just that one last dance.

saying goodbye.

We're just too different perhaps. One needs to know when to let go when the contrast starts to strain.







Say goodbye,
as we dance with the devil tonight.
Don't you dare look at him in the eye,
as we dance with the devil tonight.

Ran into Shermaine at the airport today. Did some revision - at last - there, didnt finish anything but at least it's a start ! Haha. Shall give her a ring next time i plan to go to the airport to study perhaps. I hope tomorrow's a good day to do some chem, really really need to read up on my J1 stuff and Organic. Sigh.

Oh yes. And campfire yesterday was relatively boring. Yanyi, Cheryl (Hoi!), a few other oldies and myself seemed to be the most enthusiastic there. I wasnt even in a "Let's all get high and do something crazy" mood. Sigh. Perhaps it's coz of the late hour it dragged till - we're talking about young children with ages ranging from 6 to 10 here. I'm ASSUMNG, kids sleep early.

That aside, i was asking Samuel Wong about the funny group names they had. For some sardonic reason, it was all so National Service`ish. Artillery, Commando, Infantry, Engineer. Talk about weird group names to give to a bunch of young kids. Sam seemed to be equally baffled with the names' orgins when i enquired about them, giving me an exaperated shrug and gesturing about how "I've no idea. The PCs have no NS experience to boot. 2 girls and 1 guy who hasnt even entered." Brrr.

Anyway, feel kinda lazy to go out with John and co tomorrow. Shall decide tomorrow if i wanna skip out then. Heh.

I miss my keyboards.

But it's been soooo darn long. Doubt i'll be able to play a note even if i tried now. Haha.

Dinner with Daniel tonight. I hope for a fruitful chat regarding all that's bothering us right now.

flip.

Wasnt really thinking about it. Then i felt God telling me something. I dont know about you guys but usually, when Daddy decides to talk to me, it feels like someone you werent expecting ringing your doorbell when you're cooking in the kicten. Unexpected coming but not shocking.

Anyway, basically, i guess it's really nothing now. A few points worth noting:

1. Hold on to what's important

And for this case, my principles. Which, as most of you guys should've realised by now, i stick stubbornly to unless proven wrong.

2. As Daniel's namesake goes, The Lord is my Judge. And my only real judge for that and any other matter.

Whatever happens, i'm only accountable to Him.

3. Two sides to a coin.

Whatever person he's like, there's bound to be a good and a bad side. Just need to look the right way and see which side appears more often.

Was supposed to go for service today but as i have yet to finish my math revision, decided to skip out again. For the record, i'm still not done, i'm left with Sampling to study now. Which, is mind-boggling, really.

On a side note, i bought cereal for breakfast tomorrow. Yayness !





You came from heaven to earth
To show the way
From the earth to the cross
My debt to pay
From the cross to the grave
From the grave to the sky
Lord I lift Your name on high

pretty name

I might need to cancel jesh this saturday. =(

Just re-read my chat logs to check something pn said about my jeshua`ism dp last night and i found myself wondering about my cousins' sanity at times.



For the record, the 'Mdm, you just gave birth to a Rat' one really cracked me up.

forget today.

Woke late.
Cabbed down.
Ezlink confiscated.
Couldnt find the right lab.
Called people.
No one answered.
Late for SPA.
Panicked.
Did not manage to finish.
Still troubled by Jeshua.
Could not study.
Xav gives dumb comments during bio and gp lecture.
Basically, screwed chem fac.
Caught bus.
Realied i forgot to collect my ezlink.
Saw that scary guy today at siglap.
Checked out gelare for icecream.
Nigel wasnt there.
Walked home.


All in all, today is quite a horrid day. And i'm pretty saddened that the religiously active ones in school seem to be all gone.

scream.

Dont cry. Please dont.

just an update

I forgot what i wanted to say. Besides that i think i'm in a very pms`y mood lately. Today especially.

I just replied someone who used Galileo as an example of the church being false. Those J1s better not try to gimmi some illogical and unbacked stands on my answer on the forum. If the fella has clearly worked and did his research, fine, but to claim based on hearsay, i'm gonna slam him/her/it straight after my papers tomorrow. Zzz.

Regardless, Chem Fac is tomorrow. Sooooooooo dead. Bio SPA too. I hope i've prepared enough. =/

On a cheerier side, Daniel replied last night. Thank God. Dan, i know you're disappointed with your results, but it's good that you've finally accepted it. Love you two tons ya. Do take care. =)

jeshua.

Kian Yong.



Not pretty.

strength

As the deer panteth for the water,
So my soul longs after you.
You alone are my hearts desire,
And I long to worship You.

You alone are my strength, my shield;
To You alone may my spirit yield.
You alone are my hearts desire,
and I long to worship You.

I want you more than gold or silver,
Only You can satisfy.
You alone are the real joy giver
And the apple of my eye.

You alone are my strength, my shield;
To You alone may my spirit yield.
You alone are my hearts desire,
and I long to worship You.

You're my friend and You're my brother,
Even though you are a King.
I love You more than any other
So much more than anything.

You alone are my strength, my shield;
To You alone may my spirit yield.
You alone are my hearts desire,
and I long to worship You.




Friday was a painful reminder of how much i lost and how things are different now.

Some were ecstatic with their results. For another few, you can just see their pain. But reality only struck me yesterday night. This is a school where only 5% of their student population get 3As or more. Although i managed to scrape through my promos last year with not much effort compared to some, i cannot get complacent. I cannot assure a victory because i know i wont be able to do it. Just look at that E for chinese. No i'm not retaking. It shall be my reminder. I dont wanna have to resort to having to use chinese. I need to really work for it. Forget the crazy stunts, forget the need to socialize, this is a year to really get down to work.


Andrew, i never told you this but i can never stop feeling that i let you down - in more ways than one. From the very first year we met till the day when i got my O levels result. This time, i wont wanna feel this way anymore. As you said, we used to be closer. Nevertheless, you're still important to me. You have been a strength all this while, whether you knew it or not. Thank you andrew, for these amazing 3 years. Congrats on the results.

Daniel, you taught me so much. Your capacity to forgive, your love for God, your patience with me on so many occasions. But you have a tendency to run away when things go wrong. You isolate and deny reality when you cant bear to face it. Dan, you are special to me. Someone i cannot forget even if i wanted to. So please stop running away and face those challanges. Even if you do fall, always trust God to pick you up. Always trust Him to provide. Never stop trusting our amazing God.



On a cheerier note, BRYAN LOW, I WANNA BE LIKE YOU ON RESULTS DAY NEXT YEAR. MARK MY WORDS.

results jeshua`ism

AAAA A1
AAAB A2
AABD A2
AAA B4
AAB B3
AAD A2
ABB A2
ABB C5
ABC B3
BBB B3


That aside. My jeshua joke officially backfired and now i'm stuck in a bad position. I dont know what to do now. Sigh.

I think as i'll be missing service for 3 weeks straight, i'm like doing worship quite often at home lately - more often than usual anyway. Not that it's a bad thing. Hahaha. Just for the kick of it, here's some of the songs i can find online, the rest are all cds that i never bothered to copy to my comp. So yea. It's gonna be a good week. =)







Shine Jesus, Shine reminds me of Samuel Wong. That week during worship when he was right behind him, his remarkably deep voice really stood out from the girls'. Haha.

I really think that pair of boxers is cursed. Shant mention too much.

Anyway, had GP test today. Was horrid. I've no idea why i'm in a blankout kinda state lately. Only 'woke up' when i was halfway through my AQ. Which is pretty much too late for anything. Oh well.

On a happier note, it's friday tomorrow and Jesh is coming back ! I think i give up on the LETS BAKE SOMETHING FOR THE PRETTY NAME PLAN and instead am just gonna go talk to him. Hmm. . After the fall in love with him name bit, what would induce a reaction from him ?

Oh yes. Need to message the vs idiots tonight..


Ps. Pn, i cant seem to appreciate literary consonance.